Category Archives for meeting women

Anxiety? Depressed?

The three under reported causes of anxiety depression you probably haven’t heard enough about:

1. Being alone too much

2. Being connected online too much

3. Trying to fight the depression and anxiety with self-talk

Being alone too much

This one is huge. When you are alone too much, you lose the most important thing to a human being. You lose the sense of connection.

Connection builds up Oxytocin. There is no way to be happy without high Oxytocin.

When you increase your Oxytocin, you feel happier. Anxiety leaks out like air from a balloon. And you have a sense of fulfillment in your life rather than a sense of not having enough.

Being connected online too much

This is a huge problem. Studies show that the more time you spend on Facebook, texting, Instagram, and so forth, the more anxiety you develop.

There is a strong link between spending time online and anxiety and depression.

The reasons are several.

First of all, let’s say you spend time on Facebook. Almost all the posts your “friends” make are like this one:

sample facebook post

Cute, right?? But you don’t hear the arguments, the bickering, the bad stuff that are normally a part of every life. Facebook is all about people telling the world about their accomplishments so they feel better about themselves. I have nothing against Facebook but spending time on it makes most folks feel shitty about their own lives.

It’s life’s highlight reel, when you and I are seeing what goes on behind-the-scenes in OUR lives. We compare what we know about our lives, to the highlight reel on other people’s lives, and we feel like crap.

Also, the time spent online increases dopamine. It’s a click-click-click see-what’s-next activity that wires our brain to novelty instead of to fulfillment.

That click-click-click is VERY depressing and causes a lot of anxiety.

Fighting anxiety with self-talk

This is really what gets us down.

“Why am I feeling like this?”

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“Why am I always feeling shitty?”

The more we fight the anxiety or depression, the worse we get.

Resist and it persists.

What fixes this, is getting over any kind of ED issues, and that means connecting with a woman. Connection even without sex builds up Oxytocin.

Oxytocin is THE most powerful way to feel relaxed and happy and fulfilled. Then erections will follow.

Next: Fix ED issues and get your life back, and feel happy and fulfilled

 

 

 

 

Help! I went on a date and failed to perform

So last night I had a third date with this really cool girl Parker.

Parker is blonde, 5’3, blue green eyes, exactly my type. She’s really a nice girl and I really like her.

We’re both looking for work and both graduated some years ago, so we have that in common. We went back to her place and talked about how that’s all going, applying and some stories that were fun.

couple on date

And as we’re talking we’re together on the couch and I have my arm around her and I’m really worried. I’m feeling inside, like HEY SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN. I’m nervous, I’m nervous, I’m nervous.

Then as it’s sort of expected of me I have her bra off and I’m kissing her breasts and all that. And inside that voice is going,

It’s not gonna work…it’s gonna fail!

I had been really horny and aroused on our date. Like blue balls aroused. Just when I looked at her across the restaurant dinner table I felt the ol’ willie stirring. Like that. My underwear was wet with pre-cum.

But now, later on, with her on the couch, kissing her breasts, I had the oddest feeling. It was such a switch thrown that I couldn’t believe it.

woman lying on bed very erotic 

I have never had such a “from hot to cold” feeling, 100 times worse than getting a really hot shower and suddenly the water is icy cold. It’s like

I’m suddenly so tired. So low energy. I can hardly move.

And I don’t want to be here kissing her breasts and she wants me to move into the bedroom and move into her. It was all I lusted after before the date but it’s SO different now. I guess it’s so different because now I know it ain’t gonna work.

I just don’t want to because I know it isn’t going to work.

I know that this tired, tired, no-energy feeling is a result of “it’s not going to work, why bother, nervous nervous nervous.”

I just had this pit in my stomach and I felt all cold all over and I felt like I had to get out of there.

I wanted to bolt. 

But I didn’t.

So we go through what I already know is going to be a charade. A show. I take her into the bedroom, I take my clothes off, it isn’t hard.

She is obviously horny and she is lying back with her panties off now and I can see her shaved bush and she wants me on top and inside her. This would be an arousing scene but inside I’m so cold and lifeless. I feel so dead, so nothing. And I’m kind of watching myself play this part out like watching an actor on TV.

Because I just know, that Dr. Willie isn’t having any of it. I knew, I knew, I knew, he wasn’t going to get hard. No way, no how.

But we have to go through this little show, don’t we?

I can’t just run away (although I want to.)

And I really like this girl Parker. Although at the moment I’m just kind of all feeling flat, low energy, dead not just down there but tired and dead in general. And I’m not thinking clearly either.

She kisses my penis and tries to give me a blow job but it’s like limp time and she’s trying and trying.

gorgeous girl on knees

I say, “gee this never happened before” and all this. 

Anyway that was the end of that date. What a feeling, kind of slinking away from her apartment into the night, with my tail definitely between my legs.

I go home and here’s the weird thing. I’m feeling sorry, so sorry for myself. And my balls ache. So…

I jerk it…

And it gets hard and I come. Now how is that for total bullshit? 

Oh, and get this: I’m texting her the next day and she kind of ignores me until hours later. And at some point it’s a back and forth. She says she doesn’t want to see me on dates but wants to be friends.

I say, hey I think you’re hot, give me another chance. That hasn’t happened before, is the reason you want to just be friends the frustration and all that? Because I think you’re really a hot girl, beautiful in fact, and I know we can have a great time together.

She says, no it’s not that. It’s just not a good time now, I realize that now, bla bla, and besides when I’m with you I just don’t feel “it” inside. I don’t get that feeling. You’re a really nice guy and I really like you. It’s not the bedroom thing. It’s just that it doesn’t happen for me when I’m with you. I’m sorry.

woman lying on couch

And that’s my story.

What advice do you have for me.

By the way, you can call me It’s Not Happening.

—–

Okay, boys. Now I want to hear *your* experience with a girl this way. I have some definite suggestions for It’s Not Happening but I’m more interested in our sharing stories on this. So share! It can be a time with…

Maybe your wife.

Maybe your girlfriend.

Maybe a third date.

The reason this is important is, this kind of sharing helps ALL of the Brothers.

guy leaning on wall given up on finding a girlfriend

And for now we’ll continue with the Contest…a comment will be drawn and the winner gets a $197 course

warmly

matt cook signature white background

 

 

 

Turn Eternal Crappiness Into Eternal Happiness

Terri and Saul, Terri and Saul, how wonderful are you all.

How they met kind of by accident

How Terri looked at Saul and saw this total man of her dreams

How Saul looked at Terri and instantly knew, “I want her”

man and woman silhouette sunset kissing

How they fucked like rabbits

How mad they were for each other

The time Terri did ____

The other time Saul did ____

How the kids came

How Terri got into her career

man and woman naked at ocean kissing

How Saul got into his golfing buddies, fishing and the bars after work

How they realized it had been a month since they had sex

How they vowed to try things again as if it was the old days

How they had some frank and honest talks

How that felt good

How that didn’t work for very long

How time went by

girl and guy kissing in window

How Terri gained weight and looked kind of sallow and needed more makeup and had bad periods and then no periods at all

How Saul was losing his hair and not feeling like a man much anymore and didn’t like the pot belly when he looked in the mirror, the pot belly his father had had and that he swore he’d never have

How they realized it was several months since they had sex but they were okay with that (actually Terri realized, Saul had been keeping absolutely careful track of each day)

How Saul one day looked at Terri in the morning in bed next to him and realized he just didn’t find her attractive at all anymore

How Terri basked in the attention of this new guy at work who was selling them something, lunches with him and then other stuff

How Saul and Terri talked honestly one morning, and then again, and then again…endless talks…

How Saul’s willie didn’t work half the time with Terri

How Saul felt hardly anything anyway

man and woman kissing in bed

How Saul was going to try to test his manhood again with a girl he met after work

But how Saul didn’t because he was scared of failure

And how Saul came to me and asked me if there was any hope

And what I told Saul

And how he agreed to try it

And how they both tried it for 3 weeks

And how Saul changed…to surprisingly devastatingly totally in love with Terri again

How they started making love two or three times a day

How they realized they could live this way forever and wanted to until the day they died

How Terri’s girlfriends started to remark on her losing weight, glowing, being happy, looking years younger

three girls biking

How Saul found that he was growing some of his lost hair back and his belly was no longer so fat

How Saul felt like a total stud now, able to nail any girl, but only wanting to nail Terri

How Saul felt so blessed in abundance having the best sex of his life for 30 minutes or longer every day, sometimes twice a day, with Terri, the only woman he ever wanted

How Saul began attracting abundance in his life on other levels — 

How women fell all over Saul whereever he went even though he had eyes only for Terri

How Terri became more and more beautiful

How Saul realized he was the luckiest man alive and woke up grateful every day and had sex with Terri once, twice sometimes even three times most days…and the best sex either of them had ever had, by a country mile…

Now, 1. Leave a comment or question, and

2. Click here to register for the upcoming web training.

warmly

matt cook signature white background

 

 

Should I date women before I’m fully recovered from erection problems?

Should you wait until your erection problems are fixed before you go out to meet women? This article talks about that and gives you a surprising answer.

Warning: there are images of scantily clad women here. If you are avoiding triggers (as I do) then defocus your eyes and skip over them. Got it?

Okay so let’s begin…

Ben had ED for about 10 years, since he was 23. Now at 33, we chatted and I asked him about his plans to meet women.

“No way,” he said, “I’m gonna wait until I’m fully recovered from the ED before I try that.”

Why not?

“I don’t want to have another failure. So I’ll wait until I’m really recovered.”

I told Ben that this is a mistake.

And I thought I’d tell you at the same time, as maybe you have thought about that and are waiting and maybe you’ll find this helpful too.

Sure, I understand: The idea of waiting until you’re “ready” has appeal.

You can see the path in your mind’s eye. You’ll do the solo activities in my courses (Raging Sexual Confidence, or Big Bang) and you’ll begin recovering and then when you are getting and keeping good erections, you’ll go out on the town and meet girls.

Most of all, you

Avoid the cycle of failure

 The cycle starts with the discovery, “hey my dick isn’t hard” and proceeds to testing, and trying, and failing. And then her “oh it’s okay, no problem” when you know it IS a problem, and perhaps a woman who isn’t as kind and acts and shows her disappointment.

Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/

Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/

Then the cycle of failure turns naturally into anxiety. Anxiety about whether you will or you won’t, and whether it will or it won’t…and then you have full blown performance anxiety.

The erection problems started, then the performance anxiety followed. Remember that. If you can get the performance back, the anxiety will naturally get better.

Okay, so

Should you wait until you are ready?

 I’ve watched thousands of guys come and go and try to get their desensitization fixed. (Don’t know that desensitization causes erection problems? Read here for how and why.)

And the guys who succeed are more often the guys who get some female attention sooner rather than later.

I mean, first of all, think about it. If you have gotten desensitized, you are probably not having a lot of action with a female in the first place. So avoiding women will certainly not fix that any time soon, right?

But more than that, there is the

Physiological reason for quicker and better recovery when you are meeting women

Our brains are wired for interaction with real women. When we get desensitized it can be from porn, poor masturbation habits, health problems, or often a combination.

Remember that desensitization is a real physiological problem. It isn’t “all in your head”. And the fix isn’t in your head either.

When you interact with real women, you begin getting your sensitivity to real women back. It’s a start. The more you interact, the more your brain churns out hormones such as oxytocin that make you feel good, secure, and also improve your erections including both the duration and the time between ejaculations (shortening it.)

 

And when you interact with real women you are satisfying the deepest needs we have in our reptile brains for companionship. That is tremendously rewarding. However often 

It doesn’t feel rewarding at first to get out there and meet real women

If you’ve been using porn, then real women will seem kind of boring. Or if a girl seems hot, you’ll see her in your mind’s eye in a porn scene of some kind. It takes awhile for that type of fantasy to fade away, but it does. And a good thing, because as long as you’re experiencing those types of fantasies often, you probably aren’t recovered yet.

brunette with cleavage small

And sex can seem flat, boring and uninteresting. That is, sex with a real woman as opposed to the three nymphettes spanking each other and….in those porn scenes…you get the idea…

It takes time to recover, and the more you spend time with real women, the quicker you will recover. And some guys don’t recover without this at all. It is essential for them, and maybe fore you.

So now I hear you ask, 

But what if she wants to have sex with me and I’m not ready yet for sex?

I know you don’t want to have another failure.

So here’s what you need to do. You need to take it slow. Spend some time in bed sleeping spooned together for a time or three, with sex off the table.

Can’t do this? Well keep trying. Show some masculine resolve. Some decisive goal-oriented behavior us guys are known for. Say “I am getting over some erection issues and the next few dates I want to sleep together and not have sex.”

Oh, what a sin that is! It so goes against today’s “hop into bed and fuck” culture, doesn’t it?

And what is she laughs in my face and says, “you’re kidding, I’m a horny girl and I’m interested in a guy pounding me with his salami good and hard and right now and if it’s not you I’m gonna find another guy.”

Well then, I say, Sayonara. Good knowing you. Next! They aren’t all going to like this.

And then you meet the girl who loves the idea…and loves you for being so confident…

But what of the girl who does like the idea?

“No guy has told me THAT before. Wow, you are honest, and confident to be so sure of yourself that you can tell me THAT.” She looks at you and feels a little weak and a little wet. You are HOT.

You’ll have a much better chance of a fantastic relationship when your woman is okay with this. And the sex will be much better when you have worked up each of your Oxytocin levels.

You certainly can do this “sleep together first” thing for the rest of your life, after you’ve recovered. It makes everything SO much better.  But…

…now don’t go and ruin it by trying to stick it in when you were the one who said, “let’s do it this way instead.”

So you sleep with her a few times, maybe give her a bit of oral (or not), and you will notice something very interesting and exciting.

You will notice that semis start coming back…morning wood sometimes (hey it’s been ages since that happened!). Maybe you get kind of excited when you see her and your dick gets hard just from looking into her eyes. Ain’t that a trip?

real girls are more fun when you avoid porn and don't get erectile dysfunction

And then…when you get semis and morning wood…you won’t have to worry about failing.

Meanwhile you can do “intercourse anywhere” entry while still soft and you can hang out in her vagina. Spend 30 minutes or two hours connected that way. How wonderful is that?

Because it’s THIS that heals the brain and leads to true recovery.

You’ve done the solo activities, helpful as those are…and now

It’s time to get out there and meet women

Throw away your fears and doubts. And get out there.

Are you ready? You’re not? Then now is the time to start. Either way, it’s time. And if you want to know where to start, then rely upon Factor X:  register for this free web training on how to meet a woman as soon as this weekend using Factor X to do the work practically for you.

And please leave a comment or question that I can answer, or we can talk about.

warmly

 matt cook signature white background

 

 

Should I date women before I’m fully recovered from erection problems?

Should you wait until your erection problems are fixed before you go out to meet women? This article talks about that and gives you a surprising answer.

Warning: there are images of scantily clad women here. If you are avoiding triggers (as I do) then defocus your eyes and skip over them. Got it?

Okay so let’s begin…

Ben had ED for about 10 years, since he was 23. Now at 33, we chatted and I asked him about his plans to meet women.

“No way,” he said, “I’m gonna wait until I’m fully recovered from the ED before I try that.”

Why not?

“I don’t want to have another failure. So I’ll wait until I’m really recovered.”

I told Ben that this is a mistake.

And I thought I’d tell you at the same time, as maybe you have thought about that and are waiting and maybe you’ll find this helpful too.

Sure, I understand: The idea of waiting until you’re “ready” has appeal.

You can see the path in your mind’s eye. You’ll do the solo activities in my courses (Raging Sexual Confidence, or Big Bang) and you’ll begin recovering and then when you are getting and keeping good erections, you’ll go out on the town and meet girls.

Most of all, you

Avoid the cycle of failure

 The cycle starts with the discovery, “hey my dick isn’t hard” and proceeds to testing, and trying, and failing. And then her “oh it’s okay, no problem” when you know it IS a problem, and perhaps a woman who isn’t as kind and acts and shows her disappointment.

Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/

Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/

Then the cycle of failure turns naturally into anxiety. Anxiety about whether you will or you won’t, and whether it will or it won’t…and then you have full blown performance anxiety.

The erection problems started, then the performance anxiety followed. Remember that. If you can get the performance back, the anxiety will naturally get better.

Okay, so

Should you wait until you are ready?

 I’ve watched thousands of guys come and go and try to get their desensitization fixed. (Don’t know that desensitization causes erection problems? Read here for how and why.)

And the guys who succeed are more often the guys who get some female attention sooner rather than later.

I mean, first of all, think about it. If you have gotten desensitized, you are probably not having a lot of action with a female in the first place. So avoiding women will certainly not fix that any time soon, right?

But more than that, there is the

Physiological reason for quicker and better recovery when you are meeting women

Our brains are wired for interaction with real women. When we get desensitized it can be from porn, poor masturbation habits, health problems, or often a combination.

Remember that desensitization is a real physiological problem. It isn’t “all in your head”. And the fix isn’t in your head either.

When you interact with real women, you begin getting your sensitivity to real women back. It’s a start. The more you interact, the more your brain churns out hormones such as oxytocin that make you feel good, secure, and also improve your erections including both the duration and the time between ejaculations (shortening it.)

blonde girl let's meet women

And when you interact with real women you are satisfying the deepest needs we have in our reptile brains for companionship. That is tremendously rewarding. However often 

It doesn’t feel rewarding at first to get out there and meet real women

If you’ve been using porn, then real women will seem kind of boring. Or if a girl seems hot, you’ll see her in your mind’s eye in a porn scene of some kind. It takes awhile for that type of fantasy to fade away, but it does. And a good thing, because as long as you’re experiencing those types of fantasies often, you probably aren’t recovered yet.

brunette with cleavage small

And sex can seem flat, boring and uninteresting. That is, sex with a real woman as opposed to the three nymphettes spanking each other and….in those porn scenes…you get the idea…

It takes time to recover, and the more you spend time with real women, the quicker you will recover. And some guys don’t recover without this at all. It is essential for them, and maybe fore you.

So now I hear you ask, 

But what if she wants to have sex with me and I’m not ready yet for sex?

I know you don’t want to have another failure.

So here’s what you need to do. You need to take it slow. Spend some time in bed sleeping spooned together for a time or three, with sex off the table.

Can’t do this? Well keep trying. Show some masculine resolve. Some decisive goal-oriented behavior us guys are known for. Say “I am getting over some erection issues and the next few dates I want to sleep together and not have sex.”

Oh, what a sin that is! It so goes against today’s “hop into bed and fuck” culture, doesn’t it?

And what is she laughs in my face and says, “you’re kidding, I’m a horny girl and I’m interested in a guy pounding me with his salami good and hard and right now and if it’s not you I’m gonna find another guy.”

Well then, I say, Sayonara. Good knowing you. Next! They aren’t all going to like this.

And then you meet the girl who loves the idea…and loves you for being so confident…

But what of the girl who does like the idea?

“No guy has told me THAT before. Wow, you are honest, and confident to be so sure of yourself that you can tell me THAT.” She looks at you and feels a little weak and a little wet. You are HOT.

You’ll have a much better chance of a fantastic relationship when your woman is okay with this. And the sex will be much better when you have worked up each of your Oxytocin levels.

You certainly can do this “sleep together first” thing for the rest of your life, after you’ve recovered. It makes everything SO much better.  But…

…now don’t go and ruin it by trying to stick it in when you were the one who said, “let’s do it this way instead.”

So you sleep with her a few times, maybe give her a bit of oral (or not), and you will notice something very interesting and exciting.

You will notice that semis start coming back…morning wood sometimes (hey it’s been ages since that happened!). Maybe you get kind of excited when you see her and your dick gets hard just from looking into her eyes. Ain’t that a trip?

real girls are more fun when you avoid porn and don't get erectile dysfunction

And then…when you get semis and morning wood…you won’t have to worry about failing.

Meanwhile you can do “intercourse anywhere” entry while still soft and you can hang out in her vagina. Spend 30 minutes or two hours connected that way. How wonderful is that?

Because it’s THIS that heals the brain and leads to true recovery.

You’ve done the solo activities, helpful as those are…and now

It’s time to get out there and meet women

Throw away your fears and doubts. And get out there.

Are you ready? You’re not? Then now is the time to start. Either way, it’s time. And if you want to know where to start, then rely upon Factor X:  register for this free web training on how to meet a woman as soon as this weekend using Factor X to do the work practically for you.

And please leave a comment or question that I can answer, or we can talk about.

warmly

 matt cook signature white background