What worked for me was No porn and NO Masturbation for at least 3 months.
Then relaxing and staying focused on her, her eyes and her body language as well as openly discussing my issues.
She immediately knew me inside and after several dates my response was 1000% better to her and Mr Willie respond in kind. getting to know her and she me was the best …..
This is the constant and frequent experience for guys who have desensitization and who fix the problem.
And for many guys, going further and into NO orgasms (even with a partner) are super important even for a few months.
What troubles me is guys who say
“Hey, Matt, I cut back on porn and still having a problem.”
WTF? Cutting back? What about stopping completely? Obviously you aren’t convinced that porn is a real problem for you. Well it is!
What also troubles me is guys who say, “Hey sure I rub one out. But I’m still desensitized, help!”
If you masturbate in the SAME WAY AS BEFORE, you will continue the same habits of fantasy and masturbation that have led you to this place of desensitization.
You have to make a change in your life, to see a change in your sensitivity and performance.
But what about the guy who isn’t a porn user, and still suffers desensitization?
Lots of guys are suffering and can’t perform and it’s because of desensitization.
Sometimes this is due to health reasons.
Sometimes it’s due to how life affects us. Sex with the same woman can become dull unless you CHANGE how you have the sex. It can become so dull, and she can shut down on you, and then you end up having to jerk off and you become desensitized.
Or, you can simply go from woman to woman, and experience desensitization this way. Guys who date and have sex with various women can become desensitized this way as well. Women are used to watching porn stars have sex and they often use the “Battery Operated Boyfriend” and don’t feel nearly as much either.
It’s up to you to fix the cause of the problem.
Remember, Nature doesn’t care. Nature just wants you to put your sperm in her. That’s why condoms work. Nature is easily fooled — you can spurt out your semen into a tiny plastic bag and Nature still thinks you’re impregnating a woman.
Nature doesn’t care if you have your sensitivity or not. Or if you perform or not.
Discover the hacks that make performance easy
We call them “hacks” because they are easy things that fool our brains into selecting a new built-in program different from the built-in program we’ve been running that has not been working for us.
We run built in programs all the time. The one we run unconsciously is all about wanting more, and not getting it, and with this constant wanting and not getting, we become desensitized and
It takes “super stimulus” to get us off
Sex is SO important to us and to our brains that it is more profound a problem than heroin or alcohol or gambling.
Our brains no longer respond to “ordinary” stuff and it takes a lot to get us off. Eventually nothing gets us off.
It isn’t our fault. It’s how we’re built and the fact that nobody ever told us this stuff.
Well now someone is telling us this stuff. I’ve spent thousands of hours figuring it out and helping guys with it. It’s time to take this seriously.
Avoid partner orgasm even — this can be vital for guys.
And I have some other ideas too. Go through the webinar if you haven’t already. Do the activities. Work at this. It’s so totally worth it and it works.
I find your program works well, although I was skeptical at first.
Seemed like a lot of money.
But now feel it was money well spent.
Am enjoying the renewed sexual confidence.
So I have an idea here…tell me what you think of it
Since this all works so well, what do you think about a 10 day challenge? 10 days to leave it be. 10 days to avoid masturbation, porn, fantasy and orgasm. 10 days to enter “flatlining” and begin really recovering. I’m just throwing that out there — let me know what you think
So last night I had a third date with this really cool girl Parker.
Parker is blonde, 5’3, blue green eyes, exactly my type. She’s really a nice girl and I really like her.
We’re both looking for work and both graduated some years ago, so we have that in common. We went back to her place and talked about how that’s all going, applying and some stories that were fun.
And as we’re talking we’re together on the couch and I have my arm around her and I’m really worried. I’m feeling inside, like HEY SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN. I’m nervous, I’m nervous, I’m nervous.
Then as it’s sort of expected of me I have her bra off and I’m kissing her breasts and all that. And inside that voice is going,
It’s not gonna work…it’s gonna fail!
I had been really horny and aroused on our date. Like blue balls aroused. Just when I looked at her across the restaurant dinner table I felt the ol’ willie stirring. Like that. My underwear was wet with pre-cum.
But now, later on, with her on the couch, kissing her breasts, I had the oddest feeling. It was such a switch thrown that I couldn’t believe it.
I have never had such a “from hot to cold” feeling, 100 times worse than getting a really hot shower and suddenly the water is icy cold. It’s like
I’m suddenly so tired. So low energy. I can hardly move.
And I don’t want to be here kissing her breasts and she wants me to move into the bedroom and move into her. It was all I lusted after before the date but it’s SO different now. I guess it’s so different because now I know it ain’t gonna work.
I just don’t want to because I know it isn’t going to work.
I know that this tired, tired, no-energy feeling is a result of “it’s not going to work, why bother, nervous nervous nervous.”
I just had this pit in my stomach and I felt all cold all over and I felt like I had to get out of there.
I wanted to bolt.
But I didn’t.
So we go through what I already know is going to be a charade. A show. I take her into the bedroom, I take my clothes off, it isn’t hard.
She is obviously horny and she is lying back with her panties off now and I can see her shaved bush and she wants me on top and inside her. This would be an arousing scene but inside I’m so cold and lifeless. I feel so dead, so nothing. And I’m kind of watching myself play this part out like watching an actor on TV.
Because I just know, that Dr. Willie isn’t having any of it. I knew, I knew, I knew, he wasn’t going to get hard. No way, no how.
But we have to go through this little show, don’t we?
I can’t just run away (although I want to.)
And I really like this girl Parker. Although at the moment I’m just kind of all feeling flat, low energy, dead not just down there but tired and dead in general. And I’m not thinking clearly either.
She kisses my penis and tries to give me a blow job but it’s like limp time and she’s trying and trying.
I say, “gee this never happened before” and all this.
Anyway that was the end of that date. What a feeling, kind of slinking away from her apartment into the night, with my tail definitely between my legs.
I go home and here’s the weird thing. I’m feeling sorry, so sorry for myself. And my balls ache. So…
I jerk it…
And it gets hard and I come. Now how is that for total bullshit?
Oh, and get this: I’m texting her the next day and she kind of ignores me until hours later. And at some point it’s a back and forth. She says she doesn’t want to see me on dates but wants to be friends.
I say, hey I think you’re hot, give me another chance. That hasn’t happened before, is the reason you want to just be friends the frustration and all that? Because I think you’re really a hot girl, beautiful in fact, and I know we can have a great time together.
She says, no it’s not that. It’s just not a good time now, I realize that now, bla bla, and besides when I’m with you I just don’t feel “it” inside. I don’t get that feeling. You’re a really nice guy and I really like you. It’s not the bedroom thing. It’s just that it doesn’t happen for me when I’m with you. I’m sorry.
And that’s my story.
What advice do you have for me.
By the way, you can call me It’s Not Happening.
Okay, boys. Now I want to hear *your* experience with a girl this way. I have some definite suggestions for It’s Not Happening but I’m more interested in our sharing stories on this. So share! It can be a time with…
Maybe your wife.
Maybe your girlfriend.
Maybe a third date.
The reason this is important is, this kind of sharing helps ALL of the Brothers.
And for now we’ll continue with the Contest…a comment will be drawn and the winner gets a $197 course
This article is for you if your woman doesn’t seem to be into sex as much as you, or if Dr. Willie isn’t doing what you want him to.
It shows another way to have sex, a way that is free from pleasing her at all, and why you should pay close attention to this new way of thinking about sex, and try it for yourself.
I’ll start with George.
George was telling me that he is fed up with trying to please her in bed.
It’s a huge burden on guys when they think they have to please their woman.
I told George this.
And I said, “George, are you open to the idea that ends the need or desire to perform, and the need or desire to please her?”
But Matt, isn’t that selfish of me? And don’t guys love to please their women in bed?
Years ago, these guys in the East figured all this stuff out. And they figured that sex can be looked on as many things:
1. fun stuff
2. an exchange of male and female energies
3. a way to connect fully with her
And it is all those things…but
What about sex that isn’t about porn star performance?
Somehow, though, there has been this insidious awful thing that has happened to men and women.
They’ve watched so much porn…that they’ve programmed their brains that they have to “perform” like porn stars.
When you get over this, you can actually please her even MORE. Because when you are trying to please her, you are putting the burden on HER to perform.
When a girl sees you trying to please her, what does she do?
“Half the time I just tell my guy that I’m fine, when I actually feel both embarrassed and frustrated. I experienced exactly the same difficulties when I was young and during my ten-year marriage, so it’s got nothing to do with my age.
“I can tell it perplexes my boyfriend, who prides himself on being a considerate lover. I’m worried he’ll lose patience with me.”
And we wonder why girls don’t like sex as much as guys do?
Girls love sex. It is what they too live for. But a guy trying to perform puts pressure on the girl to respond. And the girl feels that pressure much more, because
Girls live to please their men, and if they aren’t pleased, they feel really bad
So it works like this:
1. Guy tries to please the girl in bed
2. She may not be entirely there, she may be there in bed physically but mentally she’s doing the laundry, worried about the older son’s being out late, or thinking about the dangers of being pregnant.
3. She sees the guy trying, and she feels really bad that she’s not responding.
4. He feels bad that his “performance” isn’t up to snuff, and he blames her for it. She’s frigid, she is shut down, she’s not into sex much, bla bla bla.
5. He doubts his own manhood and maybe his erections stop happening because the penis knows what’s going on and the penis isn’t happy when the owner isn’t trusting the penis.
See, it all started with the girl and the boy discovering porn. And watching so much porn, and the porn-ified society we live in even if you aren’t watching porn…it affects expectations.
Guys think they need to perform. And that puts pressure on women and ruins it all.
How can a guy have sex without pressure to perform?
We’re all so used to the porn idea of sex … climbing up the hill, raising sexual tensions…and then at the top of the hill the blessed event of orgasm.
But what if that isn’t what sex is about at all?
What if you could have sex for an hour or more, with no pressure at all to perform?
What if pleasing her was the last thing on your mind when you were inside her?
I can hear you asking…
But isn’t it terribly selfish if you aren’t try to please her?
No, it’s not.
It’s giving and caring.
There is a difference between taking, taking, taking…and not working to please her.
George described what it was like before he “got” this idea:
“We don’t have sex nearly as often as I want. And when we do, it’s routine. It’s always the same. I give her some oral, maybe she comes or maybe not. Then she’s wet and I enter her. And I usually come, frankly it only takes a few minutes and then it’s over.”
Nothing wrong with any of it. There are no rules around sex as long as both people agree, right?
True. So nothing wrong with trying to please her.
But the selfishness angle — if you aren’t just taking from her, and you aren’t trying to please her…then you are making her responsible for her own pleasure. You are no longer responsible.
Pretty interesting idea, no? And sometimes girls dig on a guy that just takes. Sometimes girls just want a guy to take charge, tell her what to do, and plow. Sometimes.
But other times, most times, you can have the best sex of your life by focusing on your own pleasure, without just being a taker.
What a huge relief this is, and your sex life turns around…and if you are having willie problems, guess what?
Removing this pressure does something brilliant downstairs…erections begin coming and staying a lot longer and without all that effort or worry.
Listen to what one of my students said about this idea:
I’ve been following your advice for maybe a month now…
The member is working better then it ever has before.
My wife is up for intercourse ANYTIME and has taken to seducing me if we go more then a day without having intercourse.
This is very confusing but what the heck, it’s very wonderful too!
I think the concept you teach regarding focusing on your self was a game changer for us.
My wife is very generous and really knows how to give pleasure.
Now I just relax into it and let her know what a delightful lover she is and how much I enjoy our sexual relationship and how happy I am with our new love life and her.
She’s 55 and I’m 66.
We’ve been together for 29 years.
I can’t speak for her but my half of our love life is better than anything I’ve ever experienced before. So good that I feel guilty about feeling so happy!
(People from Minnesota are like that)
— Senior from Minnesota
It is a game changer for all of us.
By focusing on ourselves and our own pleasure, we can actually free both ourselves and our partner from the pressure to perform.
And that is where great sex and performance just happens.
Not the porn star performance, but sex that is much, much better.
If you think this is cool, here’s what you do. Click here to register for my web training on this.
And leave a comment or question that I’ll answer on the web training.
Matt here. I’ve helped 12,000 guys get great satisfaction from sex and the one thing that everyone wants to know going into this is, will this work for me?
And the answer is, yes it will. And you have to realize something nobody ever reveals or teaches.
Real life doesn’t work that way. Real life works much BETTER than in the porn movies.
It may sound weird, but now that I’ve fully recovered, I’m thrilled that my penis doesn’t work the way the porn movies show.
Sometimes my penis isn’t going to get as hard as it does other times..
I don’t know why this is but it is true. And I’ll tell you in a moment why I am thrilled about this!
It was always this way to some degree. But now that I’m older and I have sensitivity I probably never had since being a young teen, I really notice it more.
I can’t believe I missed it. Maybe you’re missing this too. It’s the fact that at least as we perceive them
Erections change, and women change
And the pleasure from sex is off the charts, but it’s 100,000% better than anything else or maybe only 99,999% percent – lol.
But it wasn’t this way before.
I was always struggling, always pushing
I’d try to get hard, I’d try so hard to be hard. I’d wish and want and push and push.
It took a long time before I realized, it’s also about listening and seeing and perceiving.
You can push and try, or you can just feel, and notice.
Erections don’t always happen when I want them to. They are not always as hard as I want them to be.
The more I’m okay with that, the less I suffer.
Some days are rock hard for awhile. Others not so rock hard.
Erections always get more flexible for the duration. As this is where you feel more, with a snake-like penis rather than a towel hanger. Rock hard penises don’t feel as much as the snake-like erect penises do.
And it’s not just erections that are better some days than other days.
Feelings are higher some days than other days.
Sometimes I feel extremely passionate and intense, and other times not so much.
I’m pretty sure that it’s sort of like a pendulum swinging back and forth between a lot of passion and less passion. It is hormones going back and forth between not exactly extremes, but further points. In the middle is balance.
Sometimes if I’ve gotten too close to the edge for too many times, somehow in a few days, the pendulum swings back to the lower passion side.
It always swings back and even at the low side, my love for my woman and my feelings are thousands of times what they were before.
And I’ve learned to appreciate these times too where it isn’t about the mad passion and I notice this.
And today I’m
Always in the mood — more or less
As a result, I have sex a lot more often and for a lot longer than any time in my former life.
And sometimes my penis is more up the occasion than at other times.
Sometimes my woman is more ready and interested than other times.
I don’t wait until we’re in the mood. We have sex quite a lot and for a long time even if we’re not quite in the mood. Sex this way is about love and connection and an exchange of energies.
Even when my erection isn’t as strong, it always works. I no longer stress out about this at all and strive to just notice and see what’s going on and be happy with whatever. Because
it’s more fun to surrender to what is, rather than try for something that isn’t
It’s fun to give up the struggle.
In fact, I think it’s perhaps a better thing not to have the strong passion each and every time. And for erections to be different each time.
It’s the rhythm of life and it’s wonderful.
I learned from a lot of Tao and Tantra tradition men and some in the more modern American tradition of a lot of sex, for a long time and very frequently.
And many of these practitioners emphasize not having a lot of passion as an ideal.
It’s that you are connecting without passion and just spend time together that way. And that the energy flows better between you without a huge turn-on.
If you aren’t feeling it today, or experiencing it today, maybe that’s better!
I’ll put that out there.
But this isn’t what I do and it isn’t really my experience. Maybe I’m not sufficiently enlightened but at least, it shows the variation that can exist in great sex and love-making.
In my world, the ideal is to get together with love for your partner and you notice your penis gets hard (sometimes after you insert soft) and you dwell in your partner’s smell and body and feel your love for her and it just goes on and on and time has no meaning and it could be an hour or two hours.
Sometimes it works exactly that way.
Sometimes it is about passion.
Sometimes it’s about feeling like a man and just loving to fuck.
It’s always different. Every erection is different, every time is different. What isn’t different is,
It’s never boring, and it’s always the best thing in the world.
It didn’t used to be that way.
Before…it got dull, I got interested in other women, there was always the search for the new position, the new place, the new thing.
The new woman.
That is all in the past and it’s always the most amazing, wonderful and pleasurable thing possible.
When you have this, you own the world. Nothing else is all that important and nothing really bad can happen. Your brain is in balance, your life is good and even adversity is just on the outside. Inside you are rich.
And best of all
It all works automatically…
My method works automatically.
It would have to. Because the desensitization happened automatically. And my method works that way too.
And the problem goes away. And the penis starts having these great erections. And you begin feeling sensitivity you may have never felt in your adult life.
It isn’t something that requires pushing, or trying. That never works anyway. Have you noticed, LOL?
And if you want to know where to start, then register for this free web training that is the basis for everything I will reveal to you.
I’m a 54 yo man. I’ve been dealing with this for the last 20 yrs.
I believe a lot of my problem began due to lack of feeling desired from my wife which left me feeling what is wrong with me.
I’m currently divorced 2 half yrs now.
Last 10 yrs I went through. Clinical depression taking 2 anti-depressants which killed my drive & erections after divorcing I came off my anti-depressants. T
hat helped some. But still deal with ED. My Dr says I have profermance anxiety.
I get night erections multiple times a night for a few weeks then it’s like they leave me for a few weeks.
When I go to have sex with someone; most of the time I get erected then lose it & sometimes I don’t ever get up.
I’ve learned Levitra works best for my with the BP meds & cholerterole meds I take but still not a guantaree either.
I do have low testerstone had gotten down to 222 and currently taking Andor-Gel 1.62% and been on it a yr now which brought my T levels back up to 755.
Suppose to use 3 pumps daily.
But have backed down to 1 pump daily. I’ve been on this a yr now & starting to notice my testicles starting to shrink.
With the Andro-gel not boosting my sex drive nor helping with erections I’m wondering why take this. I can’t tell it’s helped me any is why I have backed off this own my own.
When I’m having regular night time erections the sensentitivity in my penis is better.
Still not great.
But when I’m not noticing or waking with night erections the sensivity is less. It’s rare when I really feet Horney. I’d love to feel this on a regular basis again. Can u help me? I sure hope so.
Rick, here’s what I see when I read your note.
I see a guy who has some underlying metabolic problem that leads to all sorts of health issues.
The doctors treat just the symptoms. Their approach:
Your testosterone is low, so take testosterone hormones. You aren’t getting good erections, so take Levitra.
I’m in my 50s also and I’m fortunate that I found out how this works. I’m taking nothing and haven’t for years. It’s because I’ve figured out what the causes of these problems are.
If you fix the cause, you an eliminate the need to take anything. And it’s far better because you are healthier, live happier and avoid medication and side effects.
So what is the underlying medical issue? I am hopelessly unqualified to determine that. But it is safe to say that your body is out of balance and I will let you in on one secret right here that can change everything.
Speaking of which, I don’t buy the doctor’s explanation about performance anxiety either. All the total symptoms you talk about:
Lack of desire for your wife (if I understood that correctly)
Poor erections and inconsistent erections
Blood pressure issues
These can all be fixed when you change your lifestyle just a bit.
I address all this in my T Liftoff Formula home study course, so I won’t get into it here. That course shows you in a series of videos how to raise your testosterone, end the need for blood pressure meds and cholesterol meds, and get a lot more sensitivity in your penis. Better erections. More desire.
I want to talk specifically in the remaining part here about the angle of inconsistent erections.
You should wake up with an erection every morning. If you don’t something may be wrong
Yes, every day, a man should wake up with a strong morning erection. Morning wood as us guys often call it.
(I wonder if the Beatles had this in mind with Norwegian Wood, LOL…)
Morning wood is a very good diagnostic tool. If you aren’t having it, it tells you that your hormones are a bit out of whack. You might miss a day here or there, but overall it is quite important to consistently have morning erections.
Now let’s talk a key point on hormone levels.
Hormone levels are very complicated and not what people and doctors think.
The hormone that can fix almost everything — and no it’s not testosterone
Of all the important hormones perhaps none is more important to desire and performance as Oxytocin.
Oxytocin, the hormone of that strong loving feeling you have for someone.
Oxytocin love brings the deepest level of joy and desire for someone.
Oxytocin builds strong erections.
It shortens the time between when you can come and then get another erection and come again.
It increases your sensitivity off the charts.
Then a companion hormone is quite important to. I’m talking…
…dopamine, the hormone of want and needing someone or something. Dopamine = want.
Dopamine driven behaviors cause us to smoke, drink, gamble, eat, have sex, ask a woman out, buy a new iPhone. Dopamine is a fine hormone because it’s fun to want someone physically right now.
But dopamine also creates the “pleasure pain” meaning with the pleasure of wanting, comes the pain afterwards. It’s done. Over. Never as good as I thought it would be.
Don’t build your life around dopamine…
So dopamine is not a dependable hormone to build your life around. It’s something to watch.
The more of something you want, and the more you physically feel that wanting…well that’s dopamine.
You may notice when you lust after someone or something…how you are breathing faster, your heart speeds up, and how you are hyped up…that’s true if you lust after a girl or a new iPhone. It’s exactly the same.
It’s all dopamine.
And to a smaller degree dopamine drives you to check your email or Facebook account all during the day, or your text messages. Something new might be there. Something new is there! It’s a little spurt of dopamine in the brain.
Dopamine behaviors are addictive. They’re all about addiction.
But we need dopamine. I like being addicted to food, drink and sex, or I’d die. Dopamine is cool but you don’t want it in the driver’s seat. You don’t want dopamine running your life.
There are a bunch more hormones but here is what I want to really say here. Consistent erections and morning wood every morning…zero problems getting and staying hard…being able to last a long time…feeling great desire for your girlfriend or wife…this is made possible by one thing.
Increase the oxytocin in your brain, and you will usually have consistent desire, erections and performance
At this point, you’re saying, “hey can I get Oxytocin and take it like a pill?”
Nope, unfortunately. It’s available as a nasal spray but a really bad idea to take it.
But you can’t take oxytocin hormone up your nose (it comes as a nasal spray) and have it do any good. You have to generate it yourself in your brain.
Awhile back after years of off and on problems I figured out how to build oxytocin consistently. These along with some simple solo activities can bring everything back.
And surprisingly enough, bringing up your Oxytocin will fix depression in most cases. They are very much related. Increasing Oxytocin levels makes you feel less anxious, happier, calmer, more satisfied with life.
This isn’t just my experience, it’s study after study that is showing the value of Oxytocin.
It’s really a case of being out of balance, as I wrote at the beginning of this blog post. And when a guy says “I’m not getting good morning erections, I’m feeling inconsistent, I don’t always have desire,” I think “yep, this is a low Oxytocin situation.”
Low Oxytocin = Desensitization, the cause of almost all men’s performance problems
This fact was established by scientists 25 years ago: that desensitization was the cause of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and difficulty ejaculating. Then someone stumbled on Viagra and game over as far as FIXING the problem for men.
Now it’s all about getting you to take more pills.That’s what the drug companies are all about, and they train the doctors and pay for all the research.
Cures? Forget it.
It’s all about getting men to take more pills.
But if you just rely upon the pills, you won’t get much pleasure as you could.
You won’t build the desire you want.
You won’t restore your body to the optimal health you are after.
You won’t have the good strong natural erections that men have a God-given right to expect.
Try the Cookster’s prescription (but always check with your doc)
Here are my concluding thoughts. Make sure you stop all masturbation and any watching of porn whatever. Those all really continue throwing your hormones out of balance. The cycle of looking at porn, or fantasizing, and masturbation, is quite harmful to your hormonal balance.
It doesn’t matter if you only VIEW porn and don’t masturbate to porn. Either way it is very desensitizing.
Also, do a lot of naked cuddling and eye gazing and hand holding with the one you love. Have long sessions of intercourse, the more the better.
And as you get older, the fewer ejaculations the better. Ejaculations drain a man. When a man is young it hardly matters but as a man gets into middle age it really takes its toll. Aim for 30 to 60 minutes of intercourse a day, with maybe one ejaculation on occasion, but not all the time.
This is what restores your sensitivity and the Oxytocin in your brain. This is what often fixes all the things you describe as far as inconsistent erections, not always having morning wood (or never having it), not feeling much, even depression and anxiety.
If you feel it would serve, register for my brand new webinar that shows you how to fix ED and get your feeling and pleasure back better than pills. Click here to see if it’s still available.
But who is