Wow, my dick problems are getting better – the three stages of recovery

What does it look like to recover and reverse your desensitization.

I thought I’d show you what this looks like here today. And make some silly puns at the same time.

Ready? So, let’s focus first on

Stage 1 – realize that desensitization is the cause of the problem

This is where most guys are today. They know they are having issues. Their penis isn’t getting as hard as it did before. 

Or they have trouble coming. It’s grind away time with not much feeling and not able to close the deal. 

Or they come too fast and it’s over so quick. How embarrassing to shoot your wad so fast and the dick goes limp and she hasn’t had much time yet to even warm up.

pretty asian girl

Or, perhaps the dick isn’t getting hard at all.

Or it’s only hard for masturbation and not for intercourse.

Or maybe it takes so much work on her part to get the dick hard that it’s like climbing Mount Everest for something that should be fun and easy, right?

No wonder guys have so many problems today and think they are going downhill and need chemicals to pep them up. It’s because

Big pharma has given us a cock and bull story.

(Aahaha, pun intended).

One big drug company accidentally discovered Viagra and how quickly they realized, hey we can make ten bucks every time a guy wants to stick it in his girl. At an average of almost twice a week that’ like seventy bucks a month.

(All the other big drug companies soon came up with similar drugs, what are called in the drug industry “me too” drugs because those other drugs compete with Viagra as in “me too, I keep men hard too, take me instead of Viagra” but these all work the same exact way Viagra works, although some may cause fewer or more side effects or last longer.)

(By the way, guys who make it through my method end up having sex every day, several times a day, or every other day…and for 30 or 60 minutes, not the average of under 3 minutes.)

That Viagra discovery and profit calculation was the beginning of the end for guys who aren’t being told the truth. In working with guys I find that

ED pills make desensitization worse

The pills may not cause desensitization to get worse, but they cause a man to engage in the same type of sex and this perhaps is the reason that with the pills, guys often tend to get worse. The pills work for awhile, but they don’t increase the pleasure or sensation, and ultimately erection problems are worse. And stuff like “I can’t come easily” gets worse…

And, after all, the docs themselves are well meaning. I don’t blame the docs for this. They go through medical school without knowing dick about this problem or its cause (pun intended again) because the drug companies call the shots in terms of research and education.

And drug companies don’t want doctors to know the truth either.

pretty asian girl non porn

So the docs often have the problem themselves. Often. I can’t tell you how many medical guys I’ve spoken to and helped change their life. They are as surprised as anyone to learn about desensitization.

And it’s all because the real cause is being kept from guys. It’s a big conspiracy in my opinion.

So now a guy knows the problem, so the next step is to move to stage 2 and 

Stop porn viewing, fantasy and masturbation (for awhile)

Porn viewing is what causes a lot of dick problems. If you view porn even once a week, or even once a month, and you are not happy with your erections, then you must cut out the porn.

And it isn’t just porn. It’s also just seeing a parade of novel women, surfing personal ads or dating sites. Getting triggers from ads on TV or billboards or emails or Facebook.

It’s challenging stuff. When someone hasn’t recovered and they say, “Matt, I quit porn etc.” I ask them about fantasy and usually this is the culprit.

Fantasy is to the reptile brain the same as something real. But it’s much more intense than something real.

I mean, in the real world I stick my penis in her vagina and we dwell together and it ain’t like the porn scenes.

romantic couple

Plus, I have the same woman that I stick my penis in, not different ones. My brain as a man is very sensitive to seeing a parade of hot fake or unavailable women and it loses sensitivity to my real woman when it sees to many of those fake hotties.

It’s something I never understood before. Because my brain was so desensitized for like the past zillion years that I never noticed it.

Now I notice this effect a lot. I was explaining this to a friend yesterday. I don’t like looking at sexy photos of women because I am so aware of how it affects my perceptions and pleasures with my real woman.

I love looking at a pretty girl, of course. And I do all the time. But I avoid looking at photos, two dimensional images, anything that triggers a sexual thought and that isn’t real.

It just messes up my perceptions and my feelings. And it is doing the same to you but you may not be aware of it yet.

So now fortunately stage 3 happens…

Become much more attractive to women…and begin having a much better time with sex

This is when you get the fact that partner sex and masturbation are so different.

Partner sex becomes really fantastic again. And masturbation has lost its attraction.

Quite frankly, it can get to a point where you don’t masturbate at all.

Not because you are trying not to, but because it is so satisfying having this time with your penis in her vagina and soaking her up that it’s just not even interesting anymore to masturbate.

And the women all over become so much more attracted to you and start giving you signals everywhere.

flirty girl and guy


I’m nothing special in the looks department. And even I can’t go out without some woman giving me a signal, perhaps touching my shoulder at the restaurant like happened the other day. Or giving me a frank stare and tossing her hair.

It’s not like I’m anything incredible looking either. It’s just the power of normal male sexual energy.

Because today

Women aren’t used to basking in a man’s built up (normal) sexual energy

They are used to guys who spill their seed at every opportunity and guys who can’t get it up, and guys who are so porn-ified.

Of course there are plenty of virile men but the percentage today is way down.

So you stand out at this point (pun intended, LOL.) You really do. (Note to young guys: get with it, you have an edge in the looks department but older guys who recover are going to be eating your lunch.)

cute girl and guy meeting up

It’s amazing how much confidence you show at this point, even if you are normally somewhat inhibited, shy or reserved.

It doesn’t matter if shy, reserved or even timid is your outward personality.

Inside, your reptile brain is back into balance and it’s a naturally confident brain, and one that just wants to love and make love.

Your reptile brain is now completely confident and it puts out pheromones and confidence signals that women pick up on without your having to do anything, think anything or be anything but who you are. 

It’s at this point that I find 

Men are surprised to discover how confident they become

It’s striking, and this confidence isn’t about just being confident with women.

Here’s a huge secret of attraction and it doesn’t matter if it’s re-attracting your wife to wake her up sexually or landing a gorgeous girlfriend who really digs on you.

The secret is that women are attracted to men who are confident with other men.

That’s right. If you are confident in your dealings with other men, women will be all over you.

And what makes you confident with men and with women is that same male sexual energy.

confident man over woman sexual confidence shows


It surges in you and makes you feel like a total winner. And men get out of your way. They defer to you. They respect you even if you don’t say a word. You don’t have to say a word, they get these signals automatically.

This is what makes you more alpha if you want to call it that. And that attracts women and makes you even more alpha, in a virtuous circle.

There is a lot more to all this. But what you may want to do is head over to my From Dead Down There to Raging Sexual Confidence webinar which I’m able to give, thanks to my publisher allowing me to. Click to see what it’s all about.

And please leave a comment, question or concern here. Thank you


matt cook signature white background




About the Author

Matt Cook

Leave a Comment:

All fields with “*” are required


Just joined, you speak of a position called scissors. a drawing is worth a thousand words. why don’t you use drawings to get your points across?

Thank you


Hello Matt,
I’m not on here much, so I guess I have forgotten what your particular angle or method is, but I can tell you, (with me being a very-soon psychology graduate)that stop watching porn and the relapse thing you are talking about is absolutely correct. I also believe what you are saying about desensitization. I guess the real ,problem with me, is the loss of enough energy to maintain an erection for maximum sexual experience, and I find it hard to actually climax and release,( a lot times there seems to be no fluids to release),I will also tell you I have went down the road of trying every “New Pill” out there, with marginal or no help at all, so please refresh me of what you have to share, I would love to explode my sex life as I did when I was younger, but most of my days are spent being the “disgruntled man who is almost 53 and feeling like the train has left the station.


According to Dr. Wallach, eating as many as 6-10 eggs a day for 2-3 weeks, helps build Testostrone in men, without raising Cholostrol levels, because Testostrone is 98% Cholostrol. Also go to youtube/youngevity and search for a video about salt, or high blood pressure.
Thanks, Charles

Tom Murray

Heart Attack in June 1999 left me somewhat disabled down there. It took me a while to realize things weren’t the same, tried the pills but only Cialis gave me half a hard. Tried injections that was only 50% effective as well, with all these experiments as soon as I rolled on top of my wife erection went away, partly because of vaginal dryness was preventing (only realized this after several of these attempts along with my wife saying “see I knew it wouldn’t work” I had to resort to masturbation almost 25 times a month, yes used porn, and Literotica stories( are these porn also?) I have started K’ggles exercises. but only in last few weeks starting to see some slightly positive effect. I am 69 now going on 70 and have not had full penetration and intercourse since heart attack on June 1999. Wife wont have any relations with me at all since I can’t perform – even though she was part of the problem (dryness)and has subsequently caused more psychological harm. Who Wouldn’t? So I have stayed away from XXX porn for about 10 months, and read Literotica stories perhaps 2-3 times a week, still masterbate. I go to a fitness center 3 times a week and walk 2 miles the other days. I am unemployed but still looking. That’s my story. What should I do? I have thought of leaving my wife and starting over but at my age this could be not healthy for me so they say. We’re talking nearly 15 years here with no real sex!!! Complicated.

    Matt Cook

    Tom, heart attack will definitely put the kibosh on things for a bit.

    Literotica is definitely porn. Anything that gets us excited and that isn’t a real woman is desensitizing, really.

    Would your wife be willing to start over in a sense, step by step? Start with a lot of non sexual cuddling on a daily basis, over 3 or 4 weeks that can do magic and really get her much more interested.

    The dry vagina thing is no big deal, you can use almond oil or cocoa butter and lube things up.



Jim Jennings

Any Idea how long the process takes ie from dead to normal Im going to quit viewing all porn and go back to reading non porn mags at night. No wife anymore she passed away fom cancer over a year ago, but no lady friends either. I need a lady in my life and sure can’gt one like this. Any and all help will be appreciated. Thanks Jim

    Matt Cook

    I do. Jim, this is such a great topic I am going to do my best to give you an extensive answer soon in another article.



Stan Nelson

Wife passed after 61 years (Alzheimer’s). Met lady from Baton Rouge. We married 6/12/12. Moved to her house. Honeymoon was fantastic for both of us. Went back to TX to prep my house for sale – took 9 weeks. When returned to Baton Rouge – it was not the same. Read “The Honeymoon Effect”, chapter 4 describes us precisely. Both did counseling. She wanted me to move to apt in BR. Did for 6 mo. Counselor said get divorce and start over from scratch. Did that. Love each other and want to be together, but she is “frozen” for me (and for her family). First time was from 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM with only brief stops for recovery. Now can’t get it in w/o pain for her. Believe childhood fears in subconscious are causing the problem. Your suggestion, since we want to spend rest of lives together. (86 and 76 now). Stan

    Matt Cook

    Stan, thank you for your story. You say that “They Honeymoon Effect” chapter 4 describes your story. I’m amazed you actually restarted on this relationship all over again. Nobody does that! What an idea.

    I do have some suggestions actually.

    Oxytocin building behaviors are the key to lasting happiness. Cuddling, non sexual time spent naked together preferably. Easiest to do if you live together. In 2 or 3 weeks it creates magic. Words and talk don’t mean much.

    If she is having pain or difficulty when you enter her, a suggestion is to avoid orgasmic sex. Have a lot of sex but not orgasmic sex. Aim for just entering her slowly, even the tip of the penis is fine, and dwelling with her. After awhile, 3 weeks actually, her hormonal mix will be more oriented to the Oxytocin stuff and her vagina will begin opening up and she won’t experience the pain or tightness. I’m not giving you a medical opinion obviously as I couldn’t do that, but in my experience working with guys, this 3 week period of magical cuddling and lots of intercourse (even if you just get the tip in there to start with) without orgasm creates an amazing space and openness with a woman, and will help you feel sensations and pleasure that you probably haven’t felt for years.

    It does take practice though and it isn’t easy at first, but totally worth it.




Matt, this is so funny what is happening to me right now, about finding your website and starting up my relationship again with a woman I loved very much and lived with for over five years, but have been apart for almost 2 years. It would take all night to explain everything, so I’ll try to give you a quick explanation of my situation. We’ve been taking things very slowly, and I think this is all good. In our past when we were together sexually I took an injection about 80% of the time, wasn’t very romantic I know but as I know you know, men will do what ever they have to do to get the job done. Before she came into the picture I didn’t have sex with a women for over ten years after my divorce. I know I developed bad habits at that time. So at the present time its good for me having this person back in my life, but I don’t want to fail when the time comes, so do I have my back with me when the time comes, or what? I’m 65 but in great shape and my girlfriend is 64, but honestly looks 50. We went to high school together. I don’t want to blow it, Matt. I don’t want to dwell on it, but it does seem to consume my thought’s. thanks

    Matt Cook

    Yes Tom, I know it does consume our thoughts. Almost nothing else really matters if sex isn’t going well.

    You want to gain back your sensitivity, or in other words lose the desensitization that has affected your performance and to a larger extent your perceptions of women.

    Going slow is really helpful here. Spending time in bed with her, sleeping over with her but not having sex, is a great way to resensitize, as is stopping all masturbation and porn viewing.




The psycological angle. Never liked porn, had a beautiful wife. Several of them. But the last one got so bad I didn’t want the sex anymore. Didn’t revert to porn, was thoroughly disgusted with women in general. Next thing you know I shrink right up and am nonfunctional. Could get it up but couldn’t get off.
Haven’t seen her since April and am just now starting to have at least a little interest in women again. But I tell you what – I’m damaged. I can have fun with them, be friends with them but when it comes to intimacy get the hell out of here. Everything changes once the sex happens. Women scare the shit out of me now.
And I’m NOT alone. I’m a professional with quite a few good male friends who ALL have the same problem. And age doesn’t seem to be a factor. Well, I hear it most from the over 40 guys. Good men, honest, hard working, most of them own their own business, love their family, good physical condition, no substance abuse problems, fun loving, successful guys. They don’t want a damn thing to do with women anymore. Couldn’t care less if they ever get laid the rest of their lives. That’s where I’m at. Thus the problems.
Randy’s wife is an alcoholic. Bruces wife moved into their condo on the lakeshore last Summer. Mike spends most of his time up north at his cabin. Chris has a place in Texas and Costa Rica and I’m single now.I could go on and on.
What the hells with these women nowdays. Apparently they don’t like being loved or success. Get bored with it. If they can’t find a problem they’ll invent one. THEY create the ED problems.
I’d love a great relationship but with the women nowdays no thank you. Been there, done that. Several times. They’ll tear your heart out and not bat an eye about it.


Hi Matt;
Very good point about porn, which I haven’t even looked at in a decade at least. Also a good point, which actually had occured to me; looking at photos of cute women is almost as bad. On the internet there are plenty of news articles which have on the side links to cheerleaders, movie stars in their bikinis etc. and these are all desensitizing items; perhaps not as bad as porn but desensiizing nonetheless.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before; and I think I did. I know a priest who says, when he sees a beautiful womsn, “Thank you God for allowing me to share in the beauty of your creation and may that woman be blessed today.”

    Matt Cook

    Looking at fully clothed photos of women can be very desensitizing. I am very careful to not look. I kind of defocus my eyes and don’t look at them when they are there. That keeps my brain from really taking them in and going into lala land.

    Photos are fake. And they easily can get our brains into losing sensitivity to real women. You can easily observe that once you gain your sensitivity back. It can affect your feelings for your girlfriend and it can affect the quality of your erections.

    But looking at a beautiful woman in real life, well that’s different.




      Didn’t you mean looking at UNclothed pictures DE-sensitizes..??

      People are clothed out in public, and NOT de-sensitizing.




    Matt Cook

    well, that is fantastic news. I am so glad for you. Way to go!!




hey matt it its effecting many of us guys, ur rite. women too. i notice it more now, ur helping me see it for the first time.


This is fantastic information Mat, keep up the great work this is really imprtant

    John R Blair

    It is starting already to work after one session—the numbness is less

      Matt Cook

      it’s only been a few days that is wonderful news. Just keep at it, John!



Leave a Comment:

All fields with “*” are required