Should I date women before I’m fully recovered from erection problems?

Should you wait until your erection problems are fixed before you go out to meet women? This article talks about that and gives you a surprising answer.

Warning: there are images of scantily clad women here. If you are avoiding triggers (as I do) then defocus your eyes and skip over them. Got it?

Okay so let’s begin…

Ben had ED for about 10 years, since he was 23. Now at 33, we chatted and I asked him about his plans to meet women.

“No way,” he said, “I’m gonna wait until I’m fully recovered from the ED before I try that.”

Why not?

“I don’t want to have another failure. So I’ll wait until I’m really recovered.”

I told Ben that this is a mistake.

And I thought I’d tell you at the same time, as maybe you have thought about that and are waiting and maybe you’ll find this helpful too.

Sure, I understand: The idea of waiting until you’re “ready” has appeal.

You can see the path in your mind’s eye. You’ll do the solo activities in my courses (Raging Sexual Confidence, or Big Bang) and you’ll begin recovering and then when you are getting and keeping good erections, you’ll go out on the town and meet girls.

Most of all, you

Avoid the cycle of failure

 The cycle starts with the discovery, “hey my dick isn’t hard” and proceeds to testing, and trying, and failing. And then her “oh it’s okay, no problem” when you know it IS a problem, and perhaps a woman who isn’t as kind and acts and shows her disappointment.

Courtesy Of

Courtesy Of

Then the cycle of failure turns naturally into anxiety. Anxiety about whether you will or you won’t, and whether it will or it won’t…and then you have full blown performance anxiety.

The erection problems started, then the performance anxiety followed. Remember that. If you can get the performance back, the anxiety will naturally get better.

Okay, so

Should you wait until you are ready?

 I’ve watched thousands of guys come and go and try to get their desensitization fixed. (Don’t know that desensitization causes erection problems? Read here for how and why.)

And the guys who succeed are more often the guys who get some female attention sooner rather than later.

I mean, first of all, think about it. If you have gotten desensitized, you are probably not having a lot of action with a female in the first place. So avoiding women will certainly not fix that any time soon, right?

But more than that, there is the

Physiological reason for quicker and better recovery when you are meeting women

Our brains are wired for interaction with real women. When we get desensitized it can be from porn, poor masturbation habits, health problems, or often a combination.

Remember that desensitization is a real physiological problem. It isn’t “all in your head”. And the fix isn’t in your head either.

When you interact with real women, you begin getting your sensitivity to real women back. It’s a start. The more you interact, the more your brain churns out hormones such as oxytocin that make you feel good, secure, and also improve your erections including both the duration and the time between ejaculations (shortening it.)


And when you interact with real women you are satisfying the deepest needs we have in our reptile brains for companionship. That is tremendously rewarding. However often 

It doesn’t feel rewarding at first to get out there and meet real women

If you’ve been using porn, then real women will seem kind of boring. Or if a girl seems hot, you’ll see her in your mind’s eye in a porn scene of some kind. It takes awhile for that type of fantasy to fade away, but it does. And a good thing, because as long as you’re experiencing those types of fantasies often, you probably aren’t recovered yet.

brunette with cleavage small

And sex can seem flat, boring and uninteresting. That is, sex with a real woman as opposed to the three nymphettes spanking each other and….in those porn scenes…you get the idea…

It takes time to recover, and the more you spend time with real women, the quicker you will recover. And some guys don’t recover without this at all. It is essential for them, and maybe fore you.

So now I hear you ask, 

But what if she wants to have sex with me and I’m not ready yet for sex?

I know you don’t want to have another failure.

So here’s what you need to do. You need to take it slow. Spend some time in bed sleeping spooned together for a time or three, with sex off the table.

Can’t do this? Well keep trying. Show some masculine resolve. Some decisive goal-oriented behavior us guys are known for. Say “I am getting over some erection issues and the next few dates I want to sleep together and not have sex.”

Oh, what a sin that is! It so goes against today’s “hop into bed and fuck” culture, doesn’t it?

And what is she laughs in my face and says, “you’re kidding, I’m a horny girl and I’m interested in a guy pounding me with his salami good and hard and right now and if it’s not you I’m gonna find another guy.”

Well then, I say, Sayonara. Good knowing you. Next! They aren’t all going to like this.

And then you meet the girl who loves the idea…and loves you for being so confident…

But what of the girl who does like the idea?

“No guy has told me THAT before. Wow, you are honest, and confident to be so sure of yourself that you can tell me THAT.” She looks at you and feels a little weak and a little wet. You are HOT.

You’ll have a much better chance of a fantastic relationship when your woman is okay with this. And the sex will be much better when you have worked up each of your Oxytocin levels.

You certainly can do this “sleep together first” thing for the rest of your life, after you’ve recovered. It makes everything SO much better.  But…

…now don’t go and ruin it by trying to stick it in when you were the one who said, “let’s do it this way instead.”

So you sleep with her a few times, maybe give her a bit of oral (or not), and you will notice something very interesting and exciting.

You will notice that semis start coming back…morning wood sometimes (hey it’s been ages since that happened!). Maybe you get kind of excited when you see her and your dick gets hard just from looking into her eyes. Ain’t that a trip?

real girls are more fun when you avoid porn and don't get erectile dysfunction

And then…when you get semis and morning wood…you won’t have to worry about failing.

Meanwhile you can do “intercourse anywhere” entry while still soft and you can hang out in her vagina. Spend 30 minutes or two hours connected that way. How wonderful is that?

Because it’s THIS that heals the brain and leads to true recovery.

You’ve done the solo activities, helpful as those are…and now

It’s time to get out there and meet women

Throw away your fears and doubts. And get out there.

Are you ready? You’re not? Then now is the time to start. Either way, it’s time. And if you want to know where to start, then rely upon Factor X:  register for this free web training on how to meet a woman as soon as this weekend using Factor X to do the work practically for you.

And please leave a comment or question that I can answer, or we can talk about.


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Matt Cook

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Hey Matt,
Do you know anything about priapism – the damage that comes from the blue pill when you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours? It is said that this is permanent. I don’t take the blue pill but have tried some natural alternatives and am somewhat fearful that I may have had slight damage – but at this point it could be anyting with me! Haha! (but crying inside :P)
Anyway, just wondering if you have any information on this.
Thanks a million!

The Pole

It manifested in August 2013. First time ever, I couldn’t get a hard-on! WTF!!??
I’m 61 by the way, have been around the block more than a few times. It was DEVASTATING! More than this, I had been viewing a lot of porn, since my wife wasn’t producing the goods. Matt is 110% right. PORN CAUSES DESENSITIZATION. My dick was limp and totally devoid of feeling. There was a big brain-cock interlock – i.e. it wasn’t happening like it ALWAYS had. Couldn’t get a boner over even the juiciest porn.

I had gone out – got totally wasted – and got picked up by a nice lady at a bar. Yes – I got picked up. Wasn’t particularly looking for it – and it’s nice when it happens. (Can’t be that bad in the looks department!) Next thing you know we’re banging in the park; banging in my truck; banging in her bed; Morning banging too. Did NOT come once. Felt like I was going on for ever to even get near it – then …. Mr Softee. Met her on my boat for another session and couldn’t even get a stiff!

I don’t sit around hoping things get better – they don’t. I went to my Doc; say a urologist, neurologist almost a proctologist too! The urologist had seen it all …. so he gave me a sample of Levitra, Cialis, and another 15min boner in a bottle. They worked. That is got a boner, but desensitization was still there.

Cut a long story short …. I started Googling like crazy and by the grace of God Matt Cook popped up. NONE of the docs could tell me why my penis head was virtually dead. Not one!

I paid Matt whatever he wanted and was FASCINATED that here was a guy who made total sense to me any way. In meantime was docking my boat, and a beautiful Finnish girl on next boat ended up in my bunk! We’ve been an item since September. I am working Matt’s program – maybe not to the letter, but …. I am not swallowing ANY blue pills, or orange ones either!! and I can truthfully say I have NEVER had such sensational sex in my ENTIRE LIFE.

Now this girl had been without male attention for four years – her ex had died – and she was hitting the old vibrating magic bullet. She had not orgasmed with a man more than four times in her entire life! Now Matt had said women can suffer this desensitization too on account of BOB – Battery Operated Boyfriend.

She has Squirted every time we have sex, and is now on her 10th Big “O” and these are coming increasing more frequent, and for her, more easily. I am elected!!!

As for me – I told her I was working out of porn addiction and had been porn free for 3 months. She was so understanding, and I guess my interest in satisfying her female desires helped her recover too. Am I always hard? Nooooo.

But as soon as I go down on her, I am virtually instantly hard. This always leads to a “natural” conclusion. She is a great “pleaser”, and I find that I must be too. I am more interested in getting her to a big O and find that I can get there too. At first we were banging like it was going out of fashion – long hard fucking with an exchange of body fluids. Now it is an absolute certainty that I will come every time – and if I don’t – so what. We fuck on average 4-5 times and I find I can come three times in relatively short order – maybe 30 mins in between – but amazing thing is – Matt has talked about this really cool “just being in her” feeling. I call it Nirvahna. It is almost better than physically dumping a load. It just goes on and on and then – if you want it to end, you can give her the full load.

We are now at the stage where we can orgasm together. I am ALMOST back to Hard on Demand. But like Matt says, the more you worry about it, the more unlikely it is. This is hard teaching. You have to take it on faith from someone who KNOWS what he is talking about; has been there; has seen the docs – some help, really. My next visit with my Primary Care Doc, I am giving him the Matt Cook address! This has got to be broadcast. There are lots of things my Daddy didn’t tell me. This is one of them. It sucks when you almost resign yourself to a life of limp dick; dead dick; and pill guzzling just to feel like a man again.

Don’t torture yourself. Listen to Matt and just do it. There is a way out if you follow Matt’s plan. I am almost there, after 4-5 months. But the Sex is off the wall intense. Both of us agree, that we have NEVER had sex like this.

Oh and by the way, if you are a “player” – and I am not – the woman WILL pick up on this, and WILL initiate pick-up lines with YOU.

Finally, my Finnish girl had this too say: “You are such a man. Where have all the real men gone – they just aren’t out there!” Woman are DYING to find a real guy. So follow the plan. Get HARD when you need to; and just GET it ON!

Thank you Matt Cook.


Almost 6 weeks and nothing but decreased prostrate function! Ouch!

Kenneth H. Lyons

How can I become re-sensitized after years of abstinence?


Matt, I’d love to find a woman who would like hearing from me that I just want to sleep with her. Some years ago, when my depression was at its worst, I did find such a woman. And I did just sleep with her. Many times! But I was too out of it to understand that situation. Nothing happened with me or with her. Thanks for explaining how to turn this situation to my advantage!


Matt, your appreciated advice is correct, as far as my own experience. I have been doing that sort of thing for a while now, and am seeing marked improvement in my erections. Not quite good enough for normal sex yet, but have arranged it so that my regular goes down on me, after I have given her a lot of orgasms with my hands. This has worked out to be satisfying for both of us in the interim, and my erections are getting rapidly better. Your plan is a good one, and I also have done the “snuggling” thing, but have intuitively taken it a couple of steps farther. Works for us, anyway.
I should add that I have never used porn, but masturbated with fantasy between long periods with real partners, which is obviously at the root of the problem in the first place. My neurons rearranged themselves. Almost back on track now.


I purchased Big Bang 2 months ago. After some initial skepticism, I began to see the value of your approach. I now have purchased Raging Confidence and Factor X. Your material is great. I have cut out porn and masturbation. It seems to be helping me quite a bit to re-sensitize. Your material about the addictive aspects of dopamine on the brain is convincing. Can you at some point address the issue of how to ask a new woman about her STD status?


Awesome material, Matt. Thanks for clearing up this issue for me. I was thinking the same thing; to do the solo exercises before Im ready and THEN hit the pavement again but it makes much more sense to continue seeing and meeting women and working thru the issues. Ive had a few setbacks regarding porn and masturbation but I think the important thing is to forgive oneself and keep moving, rather than getting down on oneself. I really like the solo exercise where you masturbate very softly, focusing on sensation, rather than fantasy. that worked immensely well for me and already gave me short-term results. looking forward to the long-term results to come!

Adam D


I see that you keep talking about porn amd masturbation.
I never looked at porn movies in my life and stop masturbating at 32 or so.
I feel very little in my penis and I have ED or course.Most of the time,it only works with drugs,other than that,it rarely works with supplements and some supplements I have side effects with them…making me even more impotent.Of course I tried various sources of supplements…arginine,tribulus,etc.I also have a mental problem which I must find a way to fix.
Which course should I take?

    Matt Cook

    Welcome jb, there are more guys than we can imagine who are suffering from desensitization and the problem isn’t induced by porn and masturbation. There are a lot of things in the world that desensitize. It’s almost “normal” but fortunately there are things that fix it and create the best most incredible sex for life.




I tried the block and stop of fantasies and spend a day with her focusing on the moment her eyes and hair and her.
That night at my house I had the horniest dream about us and drifted in and out of sleep and the wood was sure, never allowed myself to wakeup and masturbate.
When I told her about my dreams she said I should have rubbed off and we talked about my willi and insensitivity. Then she got sad and took it personally that I am insensitive to her.

    Matt Cook

    Rod, there is one key and I’m not sure I stressed this enough. You want to make sure she knows, “you are hot, baby, I can’t get enough of you”. That is SO important for women because they get so much validation from your saying that. Wow, that is important!

    The dreams like that can be a very cool thing, they can be fun, and it’s great you didn’t rub one out.




I have been off porn and masturbation for about a month now. Quit looking at pictures and even try to divert my eyes when watching television when hot women appear. Trying to refocus thinking and attitude about how to approach women and sex. Within the last two weeks I have noticed morning erections have returned. have noticed an increased blood flow to the penis. Libido has even improved slightly. Due to financial issues at this time the purchase of your programs is not possible, but everything that you put out here is read, listened to, and appreciated. Thank you for helping us.

    Matt Cook

    that is so super good Rusty!! Way to go!

    Just keep it going, man!




Attitude has a huge affect, Matt, don’t you agree. My GF killed my libido with some of her comments and the looks. I can’t really blame her. Why couldn’t she say, “I love you, I want to support you through this”?

Other guys here have said it. Women often have their own problems and we can’t make their problems ours.

Great work, Matt, this is a fantastic article. Thank you so much for being there for us.

    Matt Cook

    Maybe you can gently coach her as to what not to say. Don’t criticize her, but maybe say, I love it when you tell me _____. Really be positive. This can encourage the words and behavior that are really exciting and don’t bring us down, either literally or figuratively. “I love it when you tell me how much you love my cock inside you” instead of “don’t always say bla bla”…or “why don’t you ever bla bla”…

    It’s an art, but you can learn to communicate what helps you get turned on and stay turned on, without being critical or personal about her for a moment.




ur material is grate, thx matt,,


wow matt im hopeing im ready, no morning wood yet, what do you think

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