What does it mean if she never initiates?

“Matt, why doesn’t she ever ask for sex anymore?”

Many men write to me with this complaint and there is something they are *so* missing.

It has to do with laundry.

When I was single, I used to grab all my dirty clothes in a basket and trudge over to the laundry.

My building didn’t have a laundry. I would enter the coin laundry. It smelled of that weird combination of mustiness and soap.

And I’d lift the lids of the machines to make sure they were empty before tossing my laundry into three or four washers.

Then it was hurry and wait. Or else leave and come back and risk someone taking my stuff out and throwing it on the floor so they could use the washer (I had that happen).

Now I’m with Jodi.

And Jodi does my laundry. I’ve forgotten how to do laundry.

(And thankfully today we have a great washer and dryer right in our home.)

So the woman in my house does all the laundry. Fair?

Yes, fair.

Jodi doesn’t like cooking as much as I do, so I do most of that. And she can’t fix her computer worth a darn, so when the screen goes blank or the keyboard won’t work, she calls me and I fix it.

In a partnership, one of us is strong in one thing, and that makes the other weak. When we get together, the strong partner takes over a function, and the weaker partner can be relieved of what they aren’t good at and don’t enjoy.

So she doesn’t initiate…because you do it for her!

If you, the man, initiate all the time, she’ll stop initiating. Why should she? You’re doing that.

Mike stopped initiating. “I just got tired of being the only one who was asking for sex, Matt.”

It got a bit weird, says Mike. “Nothing happened for weeks and weeks. She didn’t seem to notice.”

Why do you want her to initiate sex anyway, I asked Mike. 

But I know the answer, and so do you. Think about it.

Us guys love women to initiate sex…because it shows us that the woman *really* likes sex with us.

If she doesn’t initiate, how do you know she really wants you?

So that’s really the issue. Does she enjoy sex with you?

Does she want you?

If you didn’t initiate would she ask?

How long would it take?

What an interesting experiment. One you aren’t likely to try because you won’t want to risk finding out she never asks.

The nub of the reason she isn’t initiating is, therefore, that she doesn’t particularly love sex with you at this point.

Three reasons she doesn’t initiate sex with you

1. You pound away. Delayed ejaculation is what it’s called. It’s when you pound away and nothing happens. I’ll share with you why you don’t come in another post, and what to do about it.

2. You initiate all the time, so she’s learned she doesn’t have to. Use it or lose it — her skills at initiating with you are now rusty.

3. You aren’t really satisfying her.

Women are satisfied with sex in the long run only if the sex is both emotionally and physically satisfying. 

It’s the emotionally and physically satisfying part that is key.

Oral sex may deliver a great orgasm, but it’s not emotionally satisfying like having your penis inside her.

Masturbation delivers an orgasm, but it isn’t as satisfying as oral sex to her.

When she doesn’t initiate, it often means that she isn’t really that thrilled with sex these days. And it means you want to make some changes.

She isn’t emotionally and physically satisfied.

Please leave a comment or question! That really encourages me when I know you’re following this stuff and are awake, lol.